Ruthless Prioritization: The Good And Bad Of Finding Your Chronically Well Balance
Life with chronic illness frequently comes with a scarcity of energy.
And, the result is that those of us living with chronic illness need to be mindful of where we spend our body budget each day based on how we are feeling.
When we cannot *do it all,* and need to make tough choices, we typically need some ruthless prioritization. Gaining clarity on where to spend our energy can help us navigate spending time on what matters most to us.
But, frequently, ruthless prioritization comes at a cost.
The Consequences Of Ruthless Prioritization
It is undeniable that all choices we make in our lives have consequences. Not all consequences can be foreseen. However, we typically have a sense that some of our larger, more difficult choices will have a ripple effect on other areas of our lives.
My partner pointed out that I blog about making choices that prioritize the health and wellbeing of those living with chronic illness. But, I don’t really focus on the consequences.
Fair point.
I suppose I don’t write much about the consequences because that is hard. I can’t generalize how someone making a choice for themself will impact their job or their relationships. It is too broad a topic with too many possibilities. I certainly discuss this with my clients all the time. But, their situations are unique to them.
However, I want to address the fact that the difficult choices that we make to ruthlessly prioritize our health and wellbeing have consequences, so that you have a better picture of what is sometimes involved in choosing to prioritize your health. Since I don’t want to disclose my clients’ stories, I will share my experience of how prioritizing my health has had consequences in my life.
Because I have had to work hard to find my version of living Chronically Well, I tend to focus on the positives and the sense of accomplishment. It is important to me that I am alive, I feel healthy and I am living a life that is meaningful to me.
To me, the hardship to get here is a given. I think each of us living with chronic illness is well aware that there are consequences. We live with them every day. It is not easy.
But, I believe that when we lean into what feels right to us as individuals, we move ourselves more into a life that nurtures us, and ultimately uplifts us, even when those choices are hard.
What are some of the consequences of my choices to ruthlessly prioritize my health and live Chronically Well?
I gave up my hope for having more kids.
I gave up a law career that I spent a lot of time and resources building. This was a life-changing decision for both me and my family. The financial impact was significant. And, I had to change how I thought of myself. I was no longer a practicing attorney. I became a stay-at-home mom and I had to admit to myself that I was chronically ill - this was both disappointing and liberating.
I skipped trips for weddings and other events because it was too much for my body.
I gained and lost some friends depending on what was going on with my health.
I had to draw some lines (or boundaries) with people in my life. This was always uncomfortable. The results were a mixed bag of either creating closeness or distance, depending on the person and the situation.
All of these matters involved hard conversations, which is not my favorite.
In summary, I changed a lot in my life to better align my responsibilities and lifestyle with what worked for me and my wellbeing. I slowly created a life that was more realistic and nurturing for me.
For all that I gave up, what did I gain?
Better health. I value this over all else.
I was able to spend more time with my daughter. That’s a huge win!
I did not have more kids. It was painful at the time. But, in retrospect, I am glad. Pregnancy would not be a great idea for my health. And, I did not have the energy to nurture more humans in my household.
I live a life that is more aligned with what works for the reality of my health.
I have more space to work on my healthy habits.
I have better boundaries.
I have more self-knowledge, and do my best to live intentionally.
I have deeper relationships based on authentic bonds. Some of my favorite people have been with me through every twist and turn.
I have a better job. Over the years, I completely changed what I wanted to do in my professional life. I love being a health coach.
I have a deep sense of purpose to live my life well and to help others do the same in their own way.
So, as you can see, the choices I made were very particular to me and my situation. And, the consequences of my Chronically Well choices have impacted pretty much all areas of my life - professional, financial, relationships, etc. As far as I can tell, all the changes came with positive and negative consequences. But, my choices and priorities reflected what I most needed and wanted to do for myself.
Just with anything in life, there are positives and negatives that can result from a specific choice. But, in the long-term, I know in my bones that I am making decisions that are right for me. And, that has led me to lean into my Chronically Well life in a way that feels more authentic and purposeful than trying to stay on the same trajectory I was on before it was apparent that my illnesses were chronic.
YOUR Chronically Well Mindset
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What Does This Mean For You?
The truth is that chronic illness sucks, and it can be hard to adjust your life to it. Those are the real consequences of life with chronic illness. But, we can make intentional decisions in our lives that help us to find a better balance with it while truly nurturing our health and wellbeing.
If it is hard to fit chronic illness into your life as you are living it right now, you are probably inching towards needing to make some tough decisions about your priorities. But, I am here to tell you that the consequences are not all bad. It can be hard to give something up or “reprioritize” it. That is exactly why there is so much talk of grief when you live with chronic illness.
But, I strongly believe that we can all find our unique way forward that reflects what is realistic, nurturing and tailor-made for each of us. It takes personal reflection and then some time sorting out what action to take. It also takes a sense of empowerment and self-determination.
For more reading about how to do this in your life, check out these other blog posts:
Self-advocacy in daily life with chronic illness
Prioritizing Your Health Is True Self-Advocacy
Relationship Self-Advocacy When Living With Chronic Illness
Why An Integrative approach Is Key to Living Chronically Well
If you are feeling a significant impact on your emotional and mental health, I invite you to consider finding a mental health professional to support you. Chronic illness is not easy. Major life choices are not easy. Grieving is not easy. And, when you need to do that all at the same time, you deserve to be supported.
If you are hoping to find support on the practicalities of how to fit chronic illness into your life in a way that works for you, I invite you to explore ways to work with me.
Or, take advantage of some of my freebies like the 7-day Chronic Wellness Challenge or the Chronically Well Mindset Program (available for free by subscribing to my newsletter at the bottom of this page).
I care deeply about supporting others living with chronic illness to live a life that feels empowered, realistic and supportive. And, my hope is that you are finding your unique path forward.
What tough choices have you needed to make in your life with chronic illness? What have you gained from them?
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